Constantine (2005)

Directed by Francis Lawrence and starring Keanu Reeves, this action/horror film is a big screen adaptation of the Hellblazer comic series from DC/Vertigo. I should say a loose adaptation. Yes, I must specify that.

Keanu Reeves stars as John Constantine, a fighter of paranormal activity when the forces of good and evil (in the biblical sense) get out of line. Gifted at a young age to be able to see demons and angels, John committed suicide at a young age, only to live through it. The deal is, now that he's done that, he's doomed to Hell when he dies. So, in an effort to get back in God's good graces, John helps bring rogue demons back to Hell. Along the way he gets caught up in an apparent suicide case involving Angela Dodson's (played by Rachel Weisz) twin sister (also played by Rachel Weisz). She, not believing it was a suicide, or that there are demons and angels, enlists the help of Constantine, who opens her eyes to a whole other reality. DUNDUNDUN!!!

Basically, the movie revolves around a plot between agents of Heaven and Hell trying to bring the son of the Devil to earth to bring about a reign of terror that will bring out the true believers on either side. Constantine, Angela, and a whole slew of supporting characters (played by actors like Tilda Swinton as Gabriel, Djimon Hounsou as Midnight, Shia Labouef as Chas Kramer, and Gavin Rossdale as Balthazar) are wrapped up in this plot as the D-Day for hell on earth commences.

There are so many things that make me cringe about this movie. Not the least of which is the overplayed and overcooked characters and scenarios. Come on, the Devil couldn't be a little more interesting? I've seen more interesting characterizations in an episode of Scooby Doo. What boggles me is how this movie got the green light that it did in this celluloid incarnation? Why did Djimon Hounsou sign on for this? Rachel Weisz? Tilda Swinton? Keanu Reeves is not such a leap of faith there, but still.

I can't even really draw comparison between the film and the graphic novels, as they're waaaaaaaay too divergent, so I won't even muck about with that. In any event, this script was so not entertaining. I really can't pick out one non-cliche in this film. If there is, please somebody point it out to me. Nothing interesting was done in this screenplay. No new ground broken whatsoever. Hellblazer started as a comic in 1988. Had some fresh stuff in it then; not so much in 2005.

Again, I must reiterate: how in the hell did they get these buzz-ed up actors to sign on for this? How did this film not go straight to dvd? The special effects and CGI s weren't eve that good! You need them in a movie like this!

There were a few sparse things that I enjoyed about this film, though. I did like the depiction of Hell, and I did like the Devil arriving barefoot with black stuff dripping from whatever he arrived through. That's about it. All in all, this film is mildly entertaining at best. It could have been so much cooler!!!